Tips * Speak with clarity and purpose. If you're mumbling, it makes conversing a lot harder.
* Show interest in the conversation.
* Reflect before speaking if it's your turn to talk and allow silence
to also have its rightful place in your conversation. Don't be afraid
of pauses – use them to change topics, re-energize the conversation, or
to take a short breather even.
* Relax. Chances are that whatever
small-talk you're making isn't going to stick out in anyone's mind a few
months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as
it's not offensive or really weird (unless, of course, the person you're
attempting to converse with is into weird stuff).
* If you think of something in your head while you're talking, it's probably related.
* Animals are often common ground with people you have nothing else
in common with. If you like animals in general it's easy to follow their
track whether it's dogs, horses, birds, cats or wildlife. Cute cats and
cat stories are as inoffensive as kid stories and may be more
entertaining to non-parents. Of course drop it if they're not an animal
lover. But if you're sorting a very large group of random people to find
conversations with, whatever your favorite animal is, you'll find a
fair number of others who share that interest.
* It will help if
you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot –
newspapers, magazines, and/or books. Doing this will ensure that you
have some idea of what's going on in the world.
* Remember and
plan to share anything you like, think is funny, or find intriguing.
This is a way of building up your own inner library of things that might
be helpful to another person during a conversation someday. It can be
amazing how you thread these interesting things when you least expect
it, and make conversation an adventure instead of a dreadful task. If
you take it to the next step and say things that you want the person to
think of as adding value, and keep to yourself things that the person
might not, you're actually honing your own personality to be appealing
to the other person, and what is a greater act of kindness than that?
* If you're shy, it is helpful to have thought about a topic or two in advance that you feel comfortable talking about.
* A great entry into starting a conversation, especially for a guy
approaching a girl, is to mention you can only talk briefly as you're
meeting up with other friends. This relieves the girl of any fear of
being uncomfortably stuck with someone she does not know, and gives you
both an easy out if things don't progress well. If the conversation does
progress well, you can always delay leaving your new friend for as long
as you like. Remember not to overdo it, because she might think that
you don't want to talk to her, but prefer to be with your friends.
* Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she
appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or
watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you've been going
on for too long.
* Interesting and funny quotes or facts can
lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about. You could also
use a set of conversation starter question cards for inspiration.
* If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the
conversation at all costs. If you can't come up with a good topic, try
the "questions" game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions
work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a
phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that
do not require a yes or no answer. For example "How do you know the
hosts?" This way you can ask questions about what they just said or
follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as
if the conversation is an interrogation.
* Half of an effective
conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not
necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are
friendly and confident.
* Take a mental note of some amusing
things that you saw or heard throughout the day. For example, something
funny someone said, a fun activity you did with your friends, or
anything interesting. This can give way to future conversation.
*
Watch some stand-up comedians or comedy shows to get an idea of how to
start a conversation humorously. Usually, the leads you find will be
funny, and you will not need much in common to talk about them.
*
Remember, whoever you are talking to, you always have something in
common. We all experience the weather, like good food, and enjoy a good
laugh. When in doubt, just talk to them about what they are there for.
For example, if you meet them at a bus stop, ask them where they are
going. If they are from out of town, ask them about their life at home.
* To break the ice, a compliment is always nice.
* People like to hear "hey, you look like my cousin!" or "Are you by any chance related to...?" Great conversation starter.
* Be bold. Connecting has been such a necessity recently that you
can't be shy about it. If there's a reason to connect, find a way. If
you love somebody's work, I tell them.
* Make sure what you say is
relevant to others. You can't make a connection with someone without
commonality. It's just human nature.
* Learn to get to know
people. Living in the information age, so it's not really that hard. You
don't have to lie or put on a show to be relevant – pick any person,
and you almost always share something in common, if you look hard
enough.
* I've also learned a difficult paradox – if you want
people to be interested in you, you have to be interesting. Sounds
simple enough, but the painful part is what that implies. If people
aren't interested in you, then you may not be very interesting. That
wasn't a very comfortable realization for me.
* Of course, it's
more likely that you just aren't expressing your interests well or
you're hiding those interests out of fear that people might reject them
(and you). The end result – no relevance and no connections. At some
point, you have to be interested out loud if you want to be interesting.
* It also helps to actually be interested in what you do. If your
life isn't interesting to you, it's certainly not going to be
interesting to anyone else.
* Additionally, you can always resort
to fun but obvious conversation applications. Sites like Chatoms.com are
meant to give you simple conversation starters, and do all the thinking
for you. It's easy, but you'll be obviously unoriginal. With the advent
of smart phones, sites like this are more and more relevant for
conversation, and it helps get people who are usually playing games on
their phones, to put them to good use!
